Today marks the first time I have cried in front of my new crew. I despise breaking down at work, but it was inevitable. My job isn’t my sanctuary anymore. I have no energy. I’m exhausted all day. I can’t stand people’s energies. There’s nothing I want more than to just feel anything besides this anger, envy, hatred and fatigue. I’m going downhill so rapidly. I can’t hold on much longer.
"You’re a strong woman, you’ll get through it."
Thanks for the optimism, but you’re lying to my face.
I don’t care that you got into drugs for three months straight, or how much sleep you lost in that period. I don’t care that you went home and fucked that person and woke up at 6am hating everything about yourself, or that you smoked so much you sounded as though your lungs were giving out.
You’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness.
You’re just human, and being human means you need to survive and you do so whichever way you deem fit, fuck everyone else.
"you’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness"